Comfort Zones

Recently I have been watching The Parkers on Netflix. It is a comedy about a woman who had a child when she was a teenager. Now that her daughter is an adult, they are both attending Junior College together. Nikki Parker is the mom who is obsessing on her professor to the extend of stalking him. In the real world, this would not be funny, she would be in prison. She made a set of keys for his apartment and his car. Everyone, including her daughter and the professor, says that she is crazy. Nikki does not have a love life, because, in her mind, she is engaged to the professor. She would do anything and everything to destroy any kind of romantic relationship that the professor has with anyone. 

The cat and mouse game that the professor and Nikki were playing were comfort zones for them. A man tried to have a relationship with Nikki, which made her start losing interest in the professor. The Professor started losing his mind and professed his love for Nikki, which made her leaving the new guy and go back to stalking the Professor. The moment she was available, the professor lost interest in her. Towards the end, Nikki finally met someone who truly loved her and she felt the same way. Nikki found herself no longer obsessing on the professor. When the guy proposed, normally, most women get excited and say yes, but Nikki left the guy on his knees and went outside to ask God for a sign if the guy was truly the one for her. She got the first one and doubted and asked for the second one and she received it in the form of an earthquake. She finally said yes to the new guy. On the wedding day, of course, the professor started feeling lonely, his life was now empty, Nikki, the stalker is no longer there to make his life miserable, so he decided that he was in love with Nikki. When the professor interrupted the wedding ceremony and professed his love for Nikki. Nikki forgot all the horrible mistreatments from him. She apologized to the new guy and ended up marrying the professor. 

Nikki and the professor were each other’s comfort zones. They both found ways to sabotage meaningful relationships in order to stay safe. 

I believe that comfort zones have so much to do with control. It is about controlling the narrative. It is of course easy. When life gets hard, you get a bag of chips, remote control, sit on the couch for hours, it is all about feeling safe. The boogie man can not interrupt your life at that moment. You know exactly what is going on. And you do not have to think about anything that is bugging you. 

There are so many different comfort zones. We all have some in different parts of our lives. Being in a comfort zone is easy. We get to control the narrative. The comfort zone may be stressful, but you stay because you know “the ending”. 

You stay in a lifeless marriage because social media, praise you on how good you look as a couple. You accomplished the goal of being married so why would you want to mess that up. What would your friends, family, and the guy walking the dog say if you leave. You just have to fake it until you make it. 

You hate your job, and every time you think of going to work, you get sick in your stomach. You are stay because you are afraid of putting yourself out there. What if you never get another job you hate? What if ….. 

The pandemic has “made” you gain weight. The processed food taste really good especially when you are stressed. Exercise takes a lot of energy, come on, the world is no fire right now, why should I do something to make myself more miserable? 

When my baby started to go to daycare. I was sick in my stomach. I told myself all the horrible stories that could happen to her. Worse, when the teacher had to literally take her from me because she did not want to let me go. Of course, I know that it is good for her to be with other kids. It is very healthy for her to communicate with kids her age and learn. But the mama bear in me wants to control the story. I want to foresee things and keep her safe. I cannot do that at daycare. The terrible thing, the daycare has this video app that you can watch your kid during class. The first day, omg, all I can admit is that I know what she ate when she slept and so on. 

I can list all the comfort zones I know, but the truth is, we all know the things we need to work on. I think some of us, stay in these zones because they are easy. Some of them put us on autopilot and we do not need to think at all. 

Being too comfortable in these zones is not a good thing, especially when they become a daily routine.  As humans beings, we are meant to grow physically, and mentally. When you stop growing, it is as if you dying while still breathing. Instead of pointing fingers at others, I think it is best to start looking at yourself and ask yourself what can I change in my situation. If it a lifeless marriage, is there anything I can do to breathe life back in it? Did I try everything without blaming the other to have a better marriage? 

I do not know who said this, but I love this quote, “ If you do not like where you are, move, you are not a tree.” I truly believe that we are all stronger and capable of what we put our minds on. I know that sometimes I underestimate my baby girl, thinking at times that she is fragile, but so many times she has proven me wrong. I think it is time that we (comfort zoners) prove others, including ourselves wrong. Let’s take the risk by taking a step out of the comfort zone. Get your confidence back. After day one of exercise, you will feel pain, but do not stop because you are stretching your muscles that have not moved in a while. If it is your brain that needs to be stretched, take that class you have been wanting to take. 
If you have someone in your life that has been trying to pull you off the couch, please take their hand. They care about you. If you do not have anyone, you will have to use every strength you have to get up from that couch, and hopefully, one day you will be the one helping someone.  It is not going to be easy, but WE CAN DO THE HARD THINGS. Today is the first day of doing those hard things. You know what you need to do and the things that you need to get rid off in your life. Like Nike’s motto, “ Just Do It!”